5 Ways Companion Animals Tell People from Replicants: Wednesday Wurds uv Wizdom

I readed this article today about the firefighter who gots 90 days in jail (10 days at a time ovur two years-- sounds rough) and community service cuz he shot hiz two dogz and left them inna public dumpster rather than pay for boarding while he went onna cruise. Iz not an unusual storee, unfortunately, but in all the talk abouts hao he had bankruptcies and foreclosurez and still managed to afford a cruise trip but not a kennel, hiz lawyer sed this:

"It's the same old story. They couldn't care less about people and they love animals," lawyer Sam Shamansky said.

That statement right there? That iz the center of the onion. It prooves there iz two kinds uv hoomans. There iz hoomans hoo understand wai companion animalz matter, and hoomans hoo will nevur view pets as anything but fuzzy burglar alarms and mousetraps. Some hoomans iz persons, some iz replicants.

In the science of transhumanism, "personhood" iz a term uzed to decide, theoretically, if a lifeform iz a person. They uze philosophical questions to find out if a synthetic lifeform, or an intelligent computer or a genetically-altered aminal iz a person.



You could do it like the Voight-Kampff interviews they do to find replicants in Blade Runner/ Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep, but iz safe to say, in mai opinion, that companion aminalz iz the bestest barometer uv personhood.

1. Compassion: Wile there are lots uv storees uv interspecies compassion like apes attempting to rescue birdies and dogz nursing kittens, no aminal iz able to express interspecies compassion az well as hoomans. Most hoomanz, anyway.
   
   Hoomanz get a star for personhood if they feels compassion for an aminal outside their own species. If a hooman iz willing to inconvenience himself to keep an aminal from starving, oar beings hurted, oar dying fur no reason, he haz compassions. If he shoots his dogs to go on a cruise, he doesn't. Iz simple. This firefighter may be human, but he iz not a person, cuz he lacks star uv compassion. Iz unlikely he will risk hiz life to rescue a companion aminal from a fire.
   
   
2. Character: A man's character iz defined bai wat he wud do if he knew no one wud find out. David Santuomo gots found out, then he wuz remorseful. If he truly remorseful, he would have turned himself in. Iz wat hoomanz wif character do when they make a mistake, specially a big one. The ability to admit a mistake or a fit uv mental-breakdown rage, oar watevar, befoar othur peoples turn you in iz a sign there iz some good character left in a hooman. Being sorry iz a sign uv character, being sorry you got caught and punished iz not. Iz lack uv personhood.
   
   
3. Responsibility: One uv the main reezons hooman children gets pets iz "to teach them responsibility". Iz prolly a good idea to get a foster pet frum a sheltur first to make sure kids will be responsible, but that's anothur storee.
   
   Companion aminals become permanent kittens and puppies when they iz adopted. Contrary to popular beleef, instinct to play iz not the same az instinct to survive. Hooman children like putting bright, shiny objects in dere mouths, but if you let one loose in an apple orchard wifout a grownup hooman to shows them wat iz food, they prolly won't survive. Iz same wif aminals when they has no mother to teach them the furst year.
   
   Iz wai kittens make bad mousetraps. They needs mommy to teach them wat to eat, or has to figure out bai accident. Iz also wai dogs need behavior and potty training.
   
   Children hoo take on the responsibility uv becoming noo parents uv pets learn to be responsible when they iz grown up. Children hoo treat aminals like living burglar alarms and mousetraps don't learn responsibility. This guy, he has filed fur backruptcy twice AND had home foreclosure, then went on a cruise but "couldn't afford" boarding? This not a guy with bad luck in the economy like some people forced into forclosure. He irresponsible and incapable uv seeing the consequences uv his actions. He lacks personhood. Iz right there in his history.
   
   
4. Empathy: These dogs also belonged to hiz kids and ex wife. Two neighbors offered to watch dem. The Humane Society would board them. But he hung them from a pipe and shot them anyway, texted about it, and bragged about it to coworkers. So not only did dogs die horribly, his kids and exwife and helpful neighbors and horrified coworkers now all feel bad, too. This showz willful disregard and inability to "feel another's pain". Iz classic lack uv personhood.
   
   
   
5. Love: I dunno if you male primates reeding dis know dis, but iz an old trick uv female primates to find out if a hooman man iz worth considering marrying. Iz not a good job, or a good car, or hao he treats hiz mom. Cud be he has a life's work outside his job, or he likes wurking on cars, or he has a bad mom.
   
   Hao a man treats companion animalz iz hao he treats women. If he haz conversations with them, and plays with them, and shows them off, and shares his couch, and gives them treats, and they shows enthusiasm when they see each other, he a good man.
   
   If he ignores dem, hits them, forgets to buy food, locks them inna room when company comes, or hypothetically speaking, shoots them so he can go onna cruise, he not a good guy fur a long term relationship. Lack uv love means lack uv personhood.
   
   In mai purrfessional opinion, David Santuomo receives no stars fur personhood. He a replicant, definately.
   
   

I kicks mai primate out!

Az yoo know, mai primate iz on funemployment, and nao they has losted one car so even if she gets a job, she cannot guarantee she can gets there, and she wud be wurking just to pay fur a car to get to wurk. Wud be stoopid. We lives in the country-- there iz no subway ware there iz corn, I guess, but there lots uv bunny holes.

She not getting government unemployment monies cuz she haz a severance package and an online bizness. As @neotigress pointed out, it looks like the universe wants hur to stay home and make art, which she shuda been doing 15 yearz ago, if you ask me.

But I don't wants hur messing up mai blog nao that she's home all day making Animinis, so I makes hur get hur own blog. Iz ovur at Animini City. Prolly sumtimes I guest post there cuz someone has to keep an eye on hur.

(Sometimes I post cute Etsy stuff here, too, but nothing on organizing an art bizness.)

She planz on having the Animini storees take place in Animini City (like the Verminator storee), maybe cartoons, and right nao she haz a poll to find out wat to name the street the Fantasy Color Animinis iz having their tattoo party on. Also, she looking to trade copies of books with other aminals like me on Twitter hoo iz in books. Check out the "Pets on Twitter Book Exchange" if you iz interested in trading!

If she evur gets 50 followerz at hur blog, she starting to have contests there foar free Animinis and Cat Clothes. Prolly I will post that heer, too.

Caturday Poll: Which aminalz wud you like to meets moar uv?

Results uv last week's Caturday Poll are in. The question wuz:

Which bug superpower wud you most like to has?

"Float like Dragonflies" won bai a landlide, followed bai half az manee votes foar "Strength uv Army Ants". "Glow like Lightning bugs" and "Climb like spiderz" tied next and no one voted foar "Breathe Fire like a Bombadier Beetle", which iz not that surprizing cuz they akshully make fires outta their butts, which iz kinda gross.

Anyhao, there iz a noo Caturday Poll up on the right! Vote away!

Hero Kitteh uv Crazy Woman Creek + Wat I Founded in Omaha

Mai primates just got back frum a trip to Montana. On the way, they stopped at a rest stop and dere wuz a kitteh there trying to gets their attenshun. It wuz one of the rest stops where there iz places to grill meatses somewhere neer Crazy Woman Creek in Wyoming.

They thought the kitteh wuz just trying to see if they had hotdogs. He wuz akting like a feral kitteh but staring them in the eyes and kept backing away, but he looked well-fed so iz prolly a good place to hang fur a rest stop kitteh, getting meatses insted uv licking out bags uv Doritos in the trash cans, you know.

Anyhao, he took off wen he realized no hotdogz wuz in the offing, and wen they turned around they wuz far enuf away frum the van and it wuz getting light enuf to see it wuz leeking. Wuz about 5AM on Saturday morning, so noplace who did transmissions wuz open. They started buying transmission fluid at gas stashuns an putting it in efurry 30 miles until they got to Billings, and the van finally completely died in a parking lot there.

So thanks yoo, Rest Stop Kitteh! If you didn't show mai primates there wuz a leek, they woulda broken down a hundred miles frum their destinashun with no one to fix it until Monday and Dad-primate wud gets in truble at hiz noo job.

One place quoted $1500 but sed it wud take a week, but they needed to get bak to Sioux Falls bai Monday so they sed "no". Wen his manager came in latur and found out he sed he cudn't fix it in a day, the manager called back and offered to fix it fur $2500. Jurk.

Primates decided to abandon the van outta spite. They said manager sounded surprised and sad, but $2500 fur a van that's reddy to graduate High School with no guarantee they wouldn't add moar fees and no recourse if they did a bad job, and then having to drive 12 hourz on faith? Yeah, rite.

We onlee buy uzed carz with cash and we wuz gonna get a noo one soon anyway so $2500 iz about a third uv a car fur us.

We haz relatives in Billings, and primate's niece iz having a bebbeh and they know someone who has the parts and can fix it fur $800, so we gives it to hur. Has noo windshield, shocks, struts, tires and stuff cuz primates put monies in efurry year to keep uzed cars upgraded, just needs noo transmission, and iz very safe fur bebbehs. Also haz lots uv room fur mommy thingz.

But this reminded me I has an old video uv mai trip to Omaha. There is a gigantic zoo there. Haz a rainforest exhibit and an Imax and stuff, but this is mai fafurite exhibit:

Video: How to Make a Cat Shirt

This iz a repeat fur sum uv you. I recentlee gots mai noo buziness cards and on the bak it sez, "You can make your own cat shirt! Free pattern and video tutorial at www.orangecatblues.com."

Iz all tru, uv course, but iz kinda hard to finds this stuff cuz I is still trying to finish a noo look fur mai blog and efurrything iz all ovur the place. Nao I has a Loki Map, finally! Iz like a site map but I iz all over the internet so iz a map uv links if I iz napping at a different site and you iz looking fur me.

I makes a noo version uv the shirt tutorial video awhile ago but nevur put it up. Nao I has. Iz at the Internet Archive Orange Cat Blues Collection soon, just like efurrything else, but fur live action videos I uze Catster Video.

Here is the Cat Shirt Pattern (pdf) and mai tutorial.