No cancer

Vegan iodine deficiency. :D I knew it.

They're going to try to spend the next 6 months shrinking it with a thyroid replacement drug. If that doesn't work, I'm off to surgery.

See? All I had to do was listen and start the book I was supposed to start last week.


--pet--

The PROCESS

I get the feeling sometimes that people think you just sit down one day and write down something cute and do some sketches in front of the TV in your bathrobe and suddenly you have picture book. Maybe because they are relatively small? I don't think they realize it's work. Even in the contract it's referred to as "The Work".

I'm on my break now. Yes, my break. When I start working on a project whether it's a picture book or a Loki video or a commissioned memoir or website (I don't do those last two anymore) I treat it like work. I get dressed in real clothes and real shoes and I have scheduled breaks and lunch. Unlike some writers, my problem isn't writer's block. I can write for hours. My problem is a combination of tangents and a fear of showing the final product to people because I never actually HAVE a final product. There comes a point where you have to say to yourself, "No, it's not done, but it's as done as it's going to be."

As for the tangents, when I start to see that happening, depending on how bad it is I set a kitchen timer for 10 to 20 minutes. I write without thinking for that whole stretch. If I'm on a tangent when the timer goes off I take 5 minutes to tidy up around the house somewhere and repeat the process.

(Was that a tangent? Probably.)

I do put much thought into form and balance, even weighing whether rhyming would be offensive for a serious subject because it's associated with light verse. I decided to use a slightly unfamiliar verse form for Loki's Parrot because it suited the subject matter. I decided not to use light verse for Best Friends because it is a teaching book. For this book I decided NOT using a light verse approach might be too scary. Then I chose to use a familiar verse form because familiarity helps in a scary situation.

I'm using Joseph Campbell to outline this Loki book. I don't think my novel-writing friends suspect this is part of the picture-book process. The Campbell plotline is universally understood and, like the verse, I think it's necessary to retain familiarity.

So yes, I know because they are short and cute most of the people who buy picture books think we just churn them out, but I do consider their impact intellectually as a piece of art as I go. Not just so I don't feel like a cheat, but because children can see right through stories that talk down to them.

Loki the Hero

Opening lines:

Loki the cat likes to daydream a lot!
Sometimes he's a pirate-- or lost astronaut.
He pretends he's a cowboy, or hero or spy.
There is no adventure that Loki won't try!

I guess I'm going with Seussy. The Raven stanza is my favorite English form (Welsh forms are my absolute favorite), but I think this requires something safe and familiar with a strong sing-song rhyme on the final accent.

(Erm, at this time I would like to formal-ist-ly apologize to Lewis Turco for modeling this book on a Seuss quatrain when so many more interesting forms are available. I have no excuse other than it seems to speak to kids.)

But oh, just from this opening verse I can tell this is going to be fun to illustrate! :D

Loki's Lump

I still have not heard anything about my biopsy results. Well, that's not entirely true. I called the receptionist yesterday and she said she would have the nurse call with the results "when they find them".

Huh?

OK, so I take this series of "they are about 5 days behind" and "when they find them" as a sign I should have been writing a Loki book about cancer. I bet if I commit to writing it tonight I will get my results Thursday or Friday.

Crazy how those signs work, isn't it?

Groundhog Day is coming!

I need a watch that stops time

I hardly ever go out in public. I think this makes the grocery store more interesting. Sorta the same way TV is vastly different if you haven't watched it in several years and suddenly find yourself in a hotel for the duration of a blizzard. I watch late night talk shows and have no clue who these people are making fun of with such bitternesss. I can only assume they are former guests who are going to pretend they didn't care the next time they're on.

I'm glad I'm not in politics show business.

Today I went out to purchase an additional laptop. The one I use (an ASUS EEE) runs on Linux and I only use it for email and web stuff, sometimes writing a little. It's only 4 gigs but it's my favorite computer. I don't want to ruin it by adding a portable drive and forcing Windows on it. For SMP I need something that runs Vista/Word/Photo-Paint and other industry standard programs forced on me by the MAN (even though Open Office is better and free), and my old system is... old. I'm still using Excel 97 and Word 2003, etc.

I picked one with the least amount of crapware and the biggest hard drive and RAM. Even if I end up installing the full version of Microsoft Office on it instead of just Word it's going to be $200 cheaper than getting one direct from the manufacturer-- with 40 more gigs. Everything else including the warranty is exactly the same but, uh, oh, it doesn't come in red.

(Who cares? Is that really an issue with some people? Can't you just skin it in red?)

So LSS, because I don't know there's a sale going on and the thing was just released, they're sold out. I was a few minutes too late. Meanwhile I have to listen to some chick, maybe 20 or so, complaining because she doesn't understand the difference between an operating system and a word processor and a salesman trying to sell her the $450 Microsoft Office instead of oh, I don't know, mentioning that Vista comes with a word processing program already installed on it. Yeah, it's Works, not Word, but it doesn't sound like this woman is going to be using it on a daily basis to make a living.

I thought about butting in but they moved along and I lost them.

I'm glad I'm not in politics sales.

So since we're out and the Butterfly House is open until 4PM, we go there. Two women are standing outside the door with a stroller, and other cars are pulling in. BUT, they lock the doors at 3:30. We were 2 minutes too late for that.

So we head to the bakery to get some bread. Sold out. Completely. They don't start making more after noon on Saturday because they don't work on Sunday.

Went to the Post Office a half hour too late for my letter to go out today.

The price on my favorite printer paper doubled at Office Max. I got something else.

I didn't bother going down the soda aisle at the grocery store because at this point I figure the only Diet Rite they'll have is white grape. Also I was too busy marveling at the expressionless replicants wandering the store. Some of them didn't even look like they were there to buy anything. One guy was pushing a cart down the middle of the aisle taking less than one step a second and not looking at any shelves. Just staring into the distance. Bizarre.

However, I did find a big wooden cutting board made of sustainable Panda-safe bamboo so now I can knead bread without making a mess. I've been looking for one for ages and there it was. Not even sold out!

Next time I can cut the bakery off my list!

-Pet-

Reprints

SMP is planning on marketing the reprint of Loki's Parrot next to Green Eggs and Ham.

This makes me want to redesign the illustrations. The pencil-sketch backgrounds that are there now were kinda whipped off because I had a looming deadline. I don't know why, I had plenty of time at the beginning but then I wasn't satisfied with anything and kept doing more takes, I guess. I gave that approach up for Best Friends because I wrote and illustrated that in 4 days.

(THAT will never happen again!)

If I'm going to be paired with Dr. Seuss I should at the very least make an effort at a more interesting background. Even the verbally minimalist Goodnight Moon has book covers and a mouse to look at.

Right now I'm feeling a trifle unworthy.


-Pet-

You know what else, I think it would be a good idea if all of us SMP authors with blogger-blogs could X-post to the main SMP blog if we're talking about the biz. It would be all in one feed that way. Who's with me?

Well, maybe Alex wouldn't be into it, being an alien and everything, but Lori, possibly? I'd like to see how she's coming along.

So, I had a biopsy Friday

I expected at some point in my life I was going to have one. Half of American men and a third of American women get cancer in their lifetime. I'm not as worried about it as people think I should be. But if you dwell on misery and pain and worry your brain becomes better at it.

Why would I want to practice THAT until I was good at it?

So anyway, I'm not very efficient at worrying. Here's how I see it. If they find cancer, they'll take it out. If that doesn't work, I die eventually. I'm fairly confident I've left the world better than I found it so dying doesn't bug me a much as the possibility of lingering on and wasting away. But that's pretty unlikely.

If I had to pick a place to get cancer, the thyroid is where I'd want it in the first place. You see the lumps right away, it cures easily and its processes are easily replaced synthetically. It's not like brain cancer or liver cancer or leukemia. I wouldn't wish those on anyone. And I've run across some people who are so efficient at misery and worry they can infect a hundred people a day.

BUT, considering my diet, it's probably a goiter brought on by my own stupidity. I don't eat much junk food or table salt, I grew up vegetarian and since I had my gallbladder removed because I was eating too much cheese, I went vegan against my will.

(You only have to have a bad digestive cholesterol reaction once before you decide to go vegan. TRUST ME! I have never been more disgusted in my life. It defies description.)

It never occurred to me there could be foods out there that prevent you from absorbing iodine. 80% of my daily diet was made of soy dairy replacements, raw broccoli and cauliflower, peanuts, almonds, strawberries, cherries and peaches. Not to mention that I stopped eating egg yolks.

So now I have a lump in my neck. Probably from eating too much broccoli and not enough Big Macs. But I bet I have a better heart than people who eat too many Big Macs and not enough broccoli. So there!

This brings me to another item. Last year my Honey was diagnosed with cancer the day I found out Loki was a finalist in the CBS contest. I had a very mixed year emotionally.

Then as the Honey was recovering, Loki got a lump in his leg. The vet thought it was cancerous but on the day of surgery (after Loki was shaved, much to his annoyance) it popped and flattened out. It comes and goes now so they think it's a fat bubble.

The money I set aside to promote Loki's books went to medical bills and I sorta disappeared off the internet. I decided to stop socializing online and spend more time with my family. I passed on a lot of chances to do readings and make appearances. Loki even retired from the video business.

Now Loki and the Honey are certified cancer-free and it's my turn to get a lump checked.

But instead of wondering what they're going to find in the biopsy I keep thinking about whether Loki getting cancer would make a good picture book, or if it would be cheesey, or too scary.

The Dark Time

Looks like the Second Edition of Best Friends is delayed again, but will probably be released next week. In time for Valentine's Day, at least!

December and January always mean more chocolate for me. It's the only time of year I get a taste for sweets, really. Alex would say it has something to do with the human pituitary gland producing more melatonin because of the darkness, which causes your body to want more carbs to turn into dopamine to fool your brain into thinking there's more serotonin around.

But really it has to be that I gotta try all the new seasonal Hershey's Kisses. The Mint Truffles were great, the Cherry Cordials tasted like Nyquil. Blech. Then the Valentine candy comes out. The new Junior Mints were as good as ever. I wish I knew what makes their chocolate shells so different.

Once Valentine's Day hits I'm all chocolated out until late November again. In July the idea of eating chocolate is nauseating, for some reason.

But another effect of the Darkness on me is the need for plants. For some reason I get an almost uncontrollable urge to grow green things in January. I mean, more green than when I leave the potatoes out or forget I bought garlic.

Sick of killing grocery-store plants on sale after the Christmas season, I bought two Aerogardens last year. The herbs grew WAY too fast for me to ever use them and the Salad greens kit was not to my taste so I just let them wither.

But then they came out with the mini roses, so I decided to try it again. Now I have my first rose of January, smaller than a dime. Cute, eh? :D Of course I want to buy a bunch of the new Aerogarden 3s and the Master Gardener kit so I can grow catnip indoors. I don't really need them. I don't even need to grow catnip since it grows wild here. Loki walks out in the summer and picks out the plants he wants to dry. I just want them.