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O hai!
Seems like this iz the thing to do nao. I been hazing trouble deciding hao to uze Twitter lately so I been gone a lot and did sum thinking. Dis mai Twitter/Social Media Policy.
1. I talk in modified LOLspeak. I iz a cat. I uze my native LOLspeak cuz it differentiates me frum mai hooman if she tweet in mai account bai accident, and because kids like me talking moar like them. It iz modified, tho, to be easier to read than the Cheezburger Cats. They haz pretty thick accents. But it iz phonetic based to be easy to reed aloud. If yoo can reed Dickens oar Twain with no problem, yoo will haz no problem with mai local color. Iz orange.
Mai hooman haz a degree in English so iz really easy to tell when she talking. She not that fun to reed. She sounding stuffy.
(Also, cuz I speek in LOLspeak, peeple rarely troll me and sometimes they shocked when I uze the big wurds cuz they imagine I five yeerz old. I iz almost 12, akshully!)
2. I haz children following me so I try to tweet onlee happy thingies.
Expect the language uv tweets to be suitable foar children. If I RT links, they may not be, but I will try. I don't tweet much about politics, if I do iz usually about children oar aminals oar conservashun.
If yoo wants grownup tweets, mai primate iz at the HeadBees account.
3. I unplug Fridays and Saturdays. No tweeting, no facebook, except in speshul circumstances. Days may change when Dadprimate's wurk dayz change.
4. I looking at efurryone who follows me. (Until I gets disgusted bai how many are spammers oar autofollows again.) I look at yoo profile and at yoo webpage. If yoo haz a blog and yoo iz an aminal, artist oar book writer oar lover, and yoo iz not too politically polarizing, I adds it to random blogz on mai webpage onna left.
I still catching up wif the peoples I missed. @me if yoo want front of the line and I not following yet!
5. If yoo iz an artist oar a writer, I will "pimp your warez" bai retweeting. Specially if yoo does aminalz oar upcycling oar sells at Smashwords.
I also fan trade on Facebook. I just figured out hao to get the Facebook Page updates on Hootsuite so I uzing dat nao.
6. I no enters contests foar material goodz, but I sometimes haz dem and will RT dem.
7. I jump into Twitter and Facebook like iz a river and lets it carry me along like @neotigress doez. I may miss sum thingz. If yoo doing something extra speshul like a contest and yoo want RTs, @me.
I uzually not sitting at the computer. I walk by and tweet between naps and snacks so I no always see efurrything between tweets.
8. I might disappear. Mai primate haz a medical thingy she getting fixed and she looking foar a permanent job and trying to move outta state, so sometimez she disappearz and she doezn't leave me the computur, so I might disappears, too!
9. I no retweeting aminal abuse stories unless they has happy endings, cuz I haz children following me and they makes primate upset.
10. PLEASE NO BE OFFENDED, I might not join in pawcircles or Rainbow Bridge stuff. Iz not cuz I no carez-- primate haz an overdeveloped sense uv empathy so sumtimez is too much foar her and makes hur too sad. If she talk about it, it all she think about foar dayz.
Also, I not comfortable tweeting about Rainbow Bridge stuff then telling peoples wat we doing on Etsy oar posting a comic strip oar a funny video even a few hourz later. Iz not respektful in my world. Iz OK foar yoo to do it if yoo can handle it, but we can't. And I has to tweet the Etsy stuff ASAP cuz sumtimes primate haz medical stuffs and she not able to make arts and she not finding a job prolly. I has to make hur take it seeriouslee so I can has kibbles.
11. Virtual Party Policy: Dis gonna be tough, again I hope it no make anyone feels weerd. You know how sum peoples find rollercoasters fun, and sum don't? And sum peeples like to read books, and sum don't? You know how some peeples iz moar afraid uv public speaking than death?
My primate the kinda purrson hoo goes to a party and she nervous and confused the whole time so she try to slip outside bai hurself-- oar she hang out with the kids playing squirt guns oar drawing piktures cuz she understand them better-- until it polite to leave. She like going out dancing. She like public speaking. But she no good at parties and haz nevur liked dem, mostly because they confusing. I gets that frum hur.
Dis prolly not coming az a shock to anyone, but as a rool I not doing twitter parties. I feel as awkward at dem as regular parties. I know lotsa peeple say "Iz onlee a party, supposed to be fun!" but there some uf us socially awkward types find parties stressful, not fun. I know iz also to raise monies for charities, and I all fur that, but since we haz unemployment right now it just making it moar awkward. I feel like I iz going to a charity dinner foar free foods and dancing like Elaine.
(Pretend yoo going to a foreign country and yoo has to ask where the litterbox iz in sign language. DAT how awkward I feel at parties, even virtual onez!)
Dis my problem, not the problem uf the party peeples. I don't want anyone to feel they not including efurryone. Yoo iz including efurryone hoo loves parties. I glad efurryone else having fun and SO glad so many animals is being helped! Iz just not fur me. I no speak the language, oar something.
12. I no retweeting charity stuff unless recipient haz been verified. Too many turns out to be scammy lately.
13. I no follows yoo unless yoo looks like yoo is real and yoo tweeted inna last three months.
14. I unfollow if yoo @me affiliate links. Iz awesome if yoo @me etsy oar smashwords oar fine art america links, tho! I love arts and writings. Please @ me alla art and writing yoo want!
15. I has some kinda Follow Friday Hashtag Blindness. For some reason I look right thru those tweets nao the same way I no sees anything onna right paw side uv Facebook and Nooz sites where the ads iz. It may take some time foar me to write back. If I knew wai I dooz that, I tellz yoo, but I don't. Iz weerd.
16. I promise not to holds yoo hostage. I likes to chat a little, so I prolly gonna start a conversashun with yoo at some point. I try to keep it to three to five tweets unless we really having deep conversashun.
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